I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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