Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
