just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
