you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
