your room smells of hookers.
And success
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
