I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
