He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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