Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's the barista slut.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
