Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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