just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
