I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
