Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
