He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
