You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
