On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
