Duck Duck Cougar?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
