I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
