Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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