first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
