I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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