This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
