just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
