Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
