You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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