So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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