Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
