It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
