you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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