If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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