i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
