i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
