I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
false alarm, still single
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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