We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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