so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
