Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
