Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
