Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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