I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
