if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
