it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
