I CAN MOONWALK!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
