all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
