I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
