you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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