i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
