hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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