He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
