So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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