you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you win again, gameday.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
