I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
