So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
