hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
